Drunk and messed up after giving a triggering reading at an open-mic, I said to my boyfriend, who I love dearly, that I wished he just had a big dick to fuck me, and that it was easy. It was a drunk, misguided attempt at flirtation, believe it or not.
Nevertheless, I shamed him for his body. But this situation led to many big, difficult discussions and a lot of tears. We came pretty close to the end of what had been a great, loving relationship. I had to get to know him and learn what language made him comfortable. And so it took holding two seemingly opposing truths in my head at once: I love Joey, and his body, just as he is. And at the same time, his ideal image of his body is more sexually appealing to me. More Radical Reads: But is it really just trans people who deal with this? I just wanted him to be comfortable.
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Whatever changes he made, I wanted it to be for himself. And actually, Joey is attractive to me — in the present tense. And that was why I wanted to date him. It was that simple. And, with few exceptions, I treat him right, too. But this was my first real grown-up relationship. And it matters to me a lot. Sex is hard. Both of us are also survivors of repeated sexual abuse.
We both carry a ton of baggage. We both have extreme body image issues. These issues are the hard part of our relationship as well as the source of its strength.
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We get each other. We support each other and can talk things through. And I can see how it must have been for those people who dated me. We often have issues.
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But all relationships take work. I believe that Joey and I are both becoming stronger versions of ourselves by loving each other. So, for the first time, on this subject, I am not all doom and gloom. I am trans, and I have found love. It was hard learning to how to love and be trustworthy as well.
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More than 50 per cent of people living with HIV in Australia report having depression or anxiety. Studies consistently show that bisexual people have even higher rates of psychological distress than heterosexual people 4 , and an Australian survey of LGBTI people found transgender men reported the highest levels of psychological distress. We all have the right to be treated fairly and with respect. If you feel that you are not being treated appropriately because of discrimination or prejudice, or a mental health condition, speak up or ask someone you trust to advocate for you.
hezogomo.tk If you are sexually active, you should be catching up with a doctor or community health nurse every three to six months for a sexual health check anyway, so take an extra few minutes to chat with them if you are feeling lonely, anxious or depressed. They can work with you to take the next steps towards both a healthy body and a healthy mind.
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